Published: 07 March 2017
Good grief. It happened already! Was I just being percipient or have I in some way precipitated this alarming turn of events?
I think Fred Fulford you may also be to blame.
Yesterday I bought, as I did the week before, and have done many times in the past, a pack of smoked streaky bacon. (Not for me you understand, I can now only eat the relatively orrible defatted stuff, but for my boy. The lad has now gravitated from back bacon to the more delicious crispy fried, smoked, streaky bacon sandwich. I look forward to his discovery of Ginger Pig, but this is irrelevant digression I'm sure). Having taken a couple of rashers out and put them under the grill, I resealed the pack (another recent coop inovation, the old packs just used to tear, but there I go again, digresion, digression) and as I slid it back into the cardboard branding sleeve, I felt a soft pouch like, thing! inside the wrapper. And there it was,is (I haven't as yet had the courage to remove it).
A plastic sachet of adulterated maple syrup. Just as I foretold. (Well not exactly foretold, but you know what I mean, I did raise a vision of the appalling prospect). Maple syrup substitute, (I don't know why that matters so much, proper maple syrup would have been just as bad, but it does you know, somehow it does.) Maple syrup packed with British bacon, in a British supermarket. Fred, what have you done? you must cast out that peanut butter and jelly. Think what that terrible combination has done to American society, You may have thought 3000 miles of ocean would be enough, but perhaps we need a wall? Nearly 300 years of cultural decline and depravity being exported to world. What will happen to us Fred?
I feel so guilty too. If only I had walked that extra mile and gone to the butchers, this could not, would not have happened. My God it just occurred to me, there will be people driving to the supermarket, in their SUVs! and deliberately, buying streaky bacon packed with maple syrup substitute, peanut butter and jelly.....